10 Dumbest Online Prop Bets

I enjoy bizarre and unusual prop bets. These wacky wagers allow you to risk money on which celebrity will be the latest to get pulled over for drunk driving or who will be next to knock up Britney Spears. They’re a lot of fun, but they can also be pretty dumb.

So I scoured the Internet and come up with a list of the 10 dumbest online prop bets currently available. Maybe they seem trivial, or maybe they’re just flat out insulting. Whatever the case, you’re guaranteed to lose a few I.Q. points while perusing this list.

10 DUMBEST ONLINE PROP BETS
1. From our friends at Bodog, we get the following classic prop bet: Will it be proven that Eddie Murphy is the father of Melanie (Scary Spice) Brown’s baby?

It appears that ol’ Eddie was getting it on with the only chocolate-covered member of the Spice Girls, and now she’s got a bun in the oven. It also appears that he’s trying to dodge a paternity test. Perhaps the only thing more pointless than a prop about a deadbeat dad is a prop about a washed-up member of a pop band.

And if the betting line has any bearing on this case, it appears that Mr. Pluto Nash may be in some trouble. At the moment, he’s a -250 favorite to be Mel B’s baby-daddy. By the way, Eddie already has 5 kids by his ex-wife. Take that, Evander Holyfield and Shawn Kemp!

2. In the wake of the Don Imus controversy, BetUs decided to treat us to this little gem.

Which minority/activist group will be the next to call for a public persona’s resignation?

This kind of thing is annoying enough when I have to hear about it on the news. Seeing it in a sportsbook takes it to a whole new level. Why can’t we all just get along?

In case you’re wondering, the current favorites to bitch about something are members of the African American community. Sitting at -200, they’re actually the only group with a negative betting line (I didn’t make up the line, so don’t complain to me). According to BetUs.com, the least likely to try and take someone’s job are the Catholics (+100,000), Caucasians (+100,000), and the NRA (+50,000). The Neo Nazis must be cranky as of late, as they are second only to the African Americans with +300.

3. BetUs is also running a Global Warming Special. Without a doubt, there’s nothing more heartwarming than the parasitic gambling community taking a stand about the environment. Of course, if the polar ice caps melt and everyone dies, who’s going to be left to gamble? I can see their dilemma.

One of their global warming questions asks if any of the following will occur:

Hollywood will be underwater before 2015.

A major motion picture studio will be underwater before 2015.

A celebrity sea-side will be underwater before 2015.

“Water World” will become a reality.

This, of course, begs the question about how someone would actually collect their winnings if they were caught up in a dangerous power struggle between Kevin Costner and Dennis Hopper?

4. While we’re on the subject, here’s another dumb prop from BetUS.com about the issue of global warming. In this one, they ask the penetrating question, “Will polar bears become extinct by 2010?” It might be worth a shot, as the line is sitting at a generous +10,000.

Since polar bears are incapable of speech, I wanted to personally thank BetUs on their behalf. This may be the first time in gambling history that this overlooked minority has been featured in a prop bet. That’s what I call progress.

5. Never ones to quit while they’re ahead, BetUs also brings us this little stinker.

"What will Rosie O’Donnell do next?”

I guess it’s a legitimate enough question, but I’m so sick of Rosie that it makes me nauseous. For the last year, she’s been everywhere with her lame attempts at humor and crackpot theories (she thinks that the World Trade Center was imploded). Now just when I think I’m going to get a little peace and quiet, she starts turning up on the sportsbooks.

While the most likely result is that she will start her own TV talk show (-8000), there are other, crazier, options. For example, there’s a chance that Rosie might compete in beauty pageants (heh, +15,000), give etiquette lessons (+300), or get a job selling trailers (+15,000). Personally, I like the last option the best. Maybe she can sell a trailer to Donald Trump.

6. Another celebrity who I’d like to see just disappear is Michael Jackson (maybe he could make an extended journey to find his real nose). Unfortunately, he just won’t go away. His most recent bout with weirdness involves reports that he intends to raise $635 million dollars and built a leprechaun-themed amusement park in Ireland. You read that right. A leprechaun-themed amusement park in Ireland. To say that he’s insane is such an understatement.

But that never stopped our pals at BetUs. Thanks to them, you can wager on which part of Ireland Jacko will built his whacked-out theme park. The favorite is Dublin at +250, while the betting line says that residents of Meath (+2500) have the fewest reasons to lock up their children.

7. And here’s a final clunker from BetUs.com. As if Rosie and Wacko Jacko weren’t enough, you can also ponder this sphinx-like riddle: What will be the outcome of Britney Spears’ seemingly unstoppable downward spiral?.

This is no doubt a hot topic amongst the academic community. While the headlines surrounding Brit Brit are trite and increasingly irritating, I’m far more likely to cut her some slack. Why? Because she’s hot as hell, that’s why. She’s also still in her twenties, so you’ve gotta give her a bit more slack than fossils like Jackson and O’Donnell.

At the moment, the leading candidates have her either coming out as a lesbian (a yummy +200) or getting arrested for a DUI (+200). Less likely outcomes have her becoming a Hare Krishna (+5000), marrying Michael Jackson (+15,000), or joining the cast of Hollywood Squares (+10,000). While I’m pulling for the lesbian option, I’m not too optimistic about any of these.

8. Here’s a truly bizarre political prop available on Ladbrokes.com. Who will be the next Folkpartiet leader after Leijonborg?

Huh? Yeah, I had to look this one up. Apparently, the Folkpartiet are the People’s Party in Swedish politics.

You can choose from such scintillating choices as Nyamko Sabuni (5/1), Birgitta Ohlsson (40/1), or Jan Borland (1/5).

Is there anyone outside of Sweden that actually gives a damn?

9. Do you remember Right Said Fred?

Probably not, although they’re still big in Germany (along with David Hasselhoff). They sang the #1 hit “I’m Too Sexy,” which was sung from the perspective of a vain male fashion model.

The people at BetFred.com have issued a particularly dumb prop (no doubt enamored with the name similarity) which asks, “Will Right Said Fred top the UK singles chart in 2007?" The odds are 10/1 that they will, although I think the Baha Men (“Who Let the Dogs Out?”) and Gerardo (“Rico Suave”) have an equally decent chance.

10. And finally, Intertops offers the most cynical wager currently available.

Will the winner of the 2007 Scripps National Spelling Bee be male or female?

There’s nothing quite like tainting an event for children with the greedy ambitions of adults. Of course, I guess one could argue that the often obsessive parents of some of these kids have been doing that for years.

Still, I’m amazed that they decided to stop there. Why not post odds for the Special Olympics? Or how about the success rate for specific heart surgeons? Man, there are just so many untapped opportunities.

10 Dumbest Online Prop Bets